9.27.2009

On Epiphanies, and Bad Words

You guys. I don't know if I have the energy to be interesting today, but it's been awhile, so I figured I should post something. Iris is now like (omfg! gagsputterkaaaack) seven months old. I do believe that some months ago - and please feel free to dig through the archives to remind yourselves of just how long ago it was - that I mentioned that Iris was just "going through a Thing," and certainly this Thing was not the new normal. sigh.

Ok. Fine. Do you see the white flags flapping out of my ears? It's the new normal. This is, Iris is, normal.

There is this woman I work with who is, I am sure, some kind of stereotypical something. She is overweight and talks about it constantly. She wears blue eyeshadow and frosts her hair (no, not highlights, frosts), and she recently burnt her bangs off to a crispy 1/4 inch long with some heated hairstyling instrument or another. She's a close talker and a mouth breather, and she can't sit still for longer than 20 minutes at a stretch. She spends most of her time leaning over her coworkers, cornering them into their cubicles and giving no hope of escape, asking these banal questions with bizarrely rapt attention and glassy eyes.

Her favorite question to ask me is, "Soooooo, how's little Miss Iiiiiiiris? How's she sleeeeping?" She has a problem with vowels. Anyway, my response is always the same. She sleeps when she sleeps. Sometimes she doesn't. It's not predictable, and honestly I don't even think about it anymore. So when she asked me that same question, again, not two days after the last time she asked it, I finally just looked at her and said, "you should probably just stop asking the question, because she's never going to sleep through the night, there will just finally come a day when I don't have to care that she's awake." I realized right then that I wasn't just trying to pound some sort of social awareness into her brain with my curt response, I also actually believed the statement to be true.

I spent a while longer, absently nodding while she explained that her one friend just puts her baby in the crib, and eventually she stops crying and goes to sleep, because she knows that no one is coming, so she just gives up! Her hands fly up in the air and her eyebrows disappear into her squnchy forehead, grinning and smug, as if she's just solved all my problems. As if I have never even heard of the concept of "crying it out." Sigh. She just stands there looking at me, like I need to give her a prize or something, when I level her with yet another accidental truth in my paltry efforts to get her to just. go. away. "Really, I don't care if she sleeps through the night. She's not going to. Ever. I've accepted it. Don't worry about it."

She is never going to sleep through the night. And I don't care.

It feels so much better to just live in reality than constantly wait for that which will never come. It's such a relief! Never! Hah! I've known all along, and I didn't even realize it! My eyelid is always going to twitch if I close my eyes for longer than a blink. I'm always going to drink coffee all day, then grab a glass of wine to shut off the coffee before I go to bed (not to sleep! hah! just bed). This isn't even a pity party, it's an epiphany.

Someday she'll wake up in the night and she won't cry. Maybe she'll be able to read by then, or maybe she'll be younger. She will wake up, look around herself, perhaps find a toy or an interesting tag on a blanket, and she will blessedly entertain herself. Till then, I can just enjoy her charming, quirky babyness and hope that I'm not being too bad of an influence on those nights when I forget about my epiphany and drop an f-bomb or seven in her presence.

9.22.2009

Luella Fun Fact

She talks in her sleep.

I came home from work today to relieve Kyle so he could run out the door to tutor. He told me she'd only been asleep for like ten minutes before I arrived, so I figured I had at least another 20-30 before she woke up. Not five minutes later, I hear her talking. Like, regular, baby is chatting it up, slapping your face and licking your mouth, talking. Sounded perfectly awake. So, because I'm brilliant, I pound up the stairs to go get her, making a bu-hunch of noise on the way, only to see her lying there peacefully talking in her sleep!

This could get interesting ...

9.13.2009

If You're Not Down With The Brevity

And here I thought it had just been soo long since I'd posted anything, but look! It's only been three days! I'm not completely sure if a few sentences outlining my lameness count, but for my sake I plan to pretend they do. Ah, ok - just checked back to see when the last time I posted something of any length was, and it was definitely still August. Woopsie daisy. Moving on, then.


Iris would like for the internets to know that she is a big kid, and big kids do not lie down, nor do they willingly succumb to sleep. Big kids eat a bunch, and they shout. They don't take smack and they really like feet.


Is that pie? I'll be taking that, thanks.

I am totally serious about the staunch anti-recline position that Iris has taken lately. She won't even lean her head back a little to eat. When she falls asleep we have to resort to the utmost in trickery to convince her that she does not, nor will she ever, exist in anything other than a fully upright position. It was this behavior coupled with a few days of extreme sadness and a teensy mild fever, which convinced me that she had an ear infection. I sort of knew that she didn't, but I was feeling paranoid so I just went with it. Of course it turns out that she is infection free, maybe had a mild reaction to a virus or something. But! This means that she had to be weighed!

Check your socks, they're about to be knocked.

19 lbs, 14 oz.

!!! !!!!!! ! !

Well, I think it's a big deal. It's so funny when I watch others try to hold Iris for any length of time. I like to time how long it takes them to start sagging. Best time goes to Uncle Craig, but I think he just hides it well. The kid is a chunk.

Exhibit A:
You tell ME which one looks bigger, and then which one is almost three. years. old.

Crawling seems pretty imminent these days. I propped Iris' knees up underneath her while she was having some tummy time just to see if anything would click for her and it sort of did. It at least gave her a new perspective for long enough to stop thoroughly hating the situation. She lost the pose after a few seconds, but the idea is there. She's almost more interested in standing than trying to figure out crawling though, and I think she fully mastered sitting up alone just a few days ago. Her second (bottom) tooth came in yesterday-ish as well, but for some reason the drooling has ramped up, rather than taper off as I'd expected. She was crying quite a bit on the car ride home today, and one of the few things that seemed to quiet her was pressure on her top gums. It never ends, does it? I shall strive to imagine a word evil enough to encompass my feelings about teething.



Did you bring the baby tylenol? Cuz if not, the sharks are waitin'.

We went to the KC area this weekend for a Kelley wedding. The weather was beautiful and we got to spend some good times with the fam, even though Grandma K. was under the weather (boo.), and we woke up at 6:30 after sleeping in 45 minute increments all night (thanks, teeth!) Last night Uncle Chris was waving to Iris, who was being unusually unresponsive to the gesture (normally it's totally enthralling for her), because she was too engaged with my foot. All babies seem to love their own feet, but we recently discovered that she really likes mine too. I can't decide if it's only my feet or I'm the most frequently barefoot person she knows or what. So I had her sitting on my knee facing away from me, and she caught sight of my toes. The only way for me to get her to even notice Chris was by lifting my leg straight and swinging it across the room to point directly at him. By the time she noticed him everyone was laughing, and I think she was just confused as to what was happening (duh - your mother is pointing her legs at people again.) Good times.


Mom. Why do you have to be so embarrassing?

I've put these, and all the other photos that I absconded from Kelly's Facebook up on Picasa. Unfortunately, no photos yet of Iris standing (working on it) or of me gesticulating with my lower extremities (don't hold your breath), but I do happen to know someone who could give you an excellent tutorial on the Flying Superman Punch, speaking of leg gesticulation (Steudle).

9.10.2009

Laming Out

Hey All. Just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten that I have a blog or anything, just lacking motivation at the moment. I'm going to post something really soon. It will be full of intrigue and romance and violence and hilarity. Promise. Soon.

Here - Distract yourselves with this while I think of something intelligent to say:


9.04.2009

Oh Dear.

How to ensure total embarrassment for the child in t-minus eleven years: give Mug waaay too much time and a romper from the 70's. Throw in a baggie of ridiculous baby hair bows, & shazzam!

I am so putting you in a home, woman.