Limpid Bagel

Wouldn't that be weird, and probably a little gross? Like Crystal Pepsi? Ew. Anyway, disregard the title, I just thought it sounded cool.

So I don't have any major (or minor, really) updates, and obviously you didn't get a song last week. I mean, I'm perfectly comfortable posting The Farmer in The Dell (AGAIN), but as Aunt PittyPat noted, you guys aren't really here for the cartoons, no?

Potty training is going much better; thanks for the suggestions. Turns out bribery does work, we were just doing it wrong. I mean, stickers are nice and all, but she was holding out for chocolate. We've actually noticed that Iris might be saving up trips to the bathroom to ensure more trips to the Potty Candy Stash. Smart kid.

I continue to get huge and FBK continues to kick about. I'm not really sure what's going on in there, but his feet are definitely still firmly planted on my bladder. It's neat.

That's about it for now. Again, name suggestions? Anybody? You know you are just dying to tell me what to do (right? people love telling other people what to do, don't they? that just me, then?).

Take a Gander...

...And throw him down the stairs. That jerk totally deserves it after what he did to that old guy. We don't have a new song this week since Iris is still firmly in love with the Farmer in the Dell, but she did expand her horizons to include Goosey Goosey Gander sometimes. I'm not saying I approve of this behavior (*cough*kylestopshowingherthestupidvideo*cough*), but it is what it is, so here you go. I guess we do have a new song, just try not to watch it around children.



Okay, why is he in his lady's chamber? Why would a goose who is seemingly intent on checking out some lady's bed care one way or the other if some old guy was praying or not? Are we really teaching the youth of India (and elsewhere, I suppose) that violence is okay if you don't follow the rules? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy threatening to cut my co-workers if they chew too loudly or play with their clicky pens too frequently or like, breathe really loudly, but that's FUNNY because I would never ACT on it. Probably. But that goose is seriously just rude. Don't you think that old guy was kind of frail? Has he no concern for osteoperosis? Why is this a children's song?



TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Iris is fully potty trained at school. She initiates her own visits to the bathroom and almost never has accidents. She naps without a diaper and has for weeks. I think her last accident happened like two months ago, seriously. At home, her response to "do you have to pee" is always "NO." If you force her to sit on the potty, she will sit for hours and hours and insist the entire time that there is no pee. Then she'll stand up, pull up her pants, and pee on the couch/floor/your lap. She will wake up in the morning with a dry diaper and hold her pee for hours after waking. I have seen her go over 14 hours without peeing. Help me.

Meet Aloyshious Fitzpatrick Kelley

Don't freak out, I made that up. We still have no idea what to name this kid. All I'm saying, is that if "Guy" is a real name, then "Dude" totally is too.

{Fig 1: (Skeletor) Face}

{Fig 2: (Hobbit) Feet}


{Fig 3: (I know it doesn't look like it but it's definitely a) Penis}

Iris Music Thursday: Somebody Hug The Cheese!

I'm really very sorry to be doing this to you. I really, really am. As someone who has lived the reality of this song on repeat for days, I can tell you with pristine sincerity that I am completely remorseful to impose this earworm on you. In the spirit of honesty though, I'm required to share.

I don't know how to explain Iris' love of this song. She wants to sing it or hear it all the time. She likes the predictability of the lyrics, for sure. She bops her little butt around to the tune, while nodding her head in time with the beat in a very serious, musical connoisseur-type fashion. She's cool with the farmer, the wife and the child. She's fairly ambivalent about the nurse, but by the time we get to the dog part, she knows that the cat part comes right after, which directly precedes the mouse, and she is not pleased with the mouse. The mouse takes the cheese, you understand, and the cheese stands alone!

Iris: Mommy, da cheese crying!
Me: Yeah, the cheese is alone, isn't he?
Iris: Yeah, he sad. He crying.
Me: Well yeah, there were a couple of tears, but look, they dried up! I think he feels better. I, for one, don't really mind being alone. It's kind of nice sometimes, really. Refreshing, you know?

Iris: ...

Me: What?
Iris: Mommy. Da cheese sad. He need a hug. Why he sad? MOMMY! Da cheese SO SAD!
Me: Hey, why don't we go watch something a little more uplifting like Elmo, or Gabba Gabba, or like shark week or really anything else...

Iris: NOOOOOOOOOO MOMMY, FARMER DELL! FARMER DELL!

ad infinitum...



I'd also like to note as a point of extreme awesomeosity, that when this video finishes and that little list of YouTube inspired suggestions pops up, the same production team who brought you this fine specimen offers another nursery rhyme called "Goosey Goosey Gander." We watched it after the very first viewing of this video because hey - it's a nursery rhyme! Says so right here! I don't really know nursery rhymes, American or otherwise. I'm sure there was a part of my life that was absolutely full them, but that was like 25+ years ago, so you know... I don't know any nursery rhymes.
Anyway, "Goosey Goosey Gander" is an Indian nursery rhyme about an old man and a goose. The old man decides not to say his prayers, so the goose grabs his leg and throws him down the stairs. Twice. The end. That was just a freaking excellent way to bounce back from the sad cheese incident.

Toploftical

Aside from being cranky, large, constipated, cranky, tired, and cranky I'd also like to announce that I am smug. Okay, not really, but this clip is too funny not to share (you've probably already seen it before, but watch it again anyway). Also I happen to know what tomorrow's musical offering is and trust me, you're going to want something awesome really nearby to cleanse your brain of the numbing repetitiveness that is the um, agronomist in the ravine.
I told Grandma K. the other day that when I find out the sex of the baby on Monday, I will tell everyone except HPD (who has been asking me if I know the sex of the baby yet every day since she saw the calendar which clearly states the date of the appointment as MONDAY MAY 23RD). Blah. Anyway, I plan to tell HPD that we know the sex of the baby, but we're not telling anyone. I giggle every time I say that.

FBK is officially a kicker or a dancer or like, a future color guard champion or something. Don't think I don't feel you tossing that little fake wooden rifle around in there, kid! I am not afraid to ground a fetus! There is historical precedent here! Anyway, s/he is very active, traditionally after meals and through the entire night. Yayyyy. This is the destined dream-sleeper child, so I'm glad s/he's getting all that activity out now. Gotta be prepared for all that sleep that's going to happen. Allll that sleep. Yeah....

Jovian Heavy

I'd like to think that I am particularly in-line with Thursdays in general. I am drawn to them. I am of them. I have always loved them. Thursday is my day.

FBK is due on a Thursday. My half birthday and Thanksgiving fall on the same Thursday this year. Iris was born on Thursday, February 26th, and I have been convinced all day that today is definitely Thursday. This pregnancy hits 20 weeks this Thursday, and conveniently enough, Iris Music Thursday! usually happens on Thursdays, mostly because it happened to be Thursday when I came up with the idea.

The contemporary name Thursday comes from the Old English Þunresdæg, "Thunor's Day." Somewhere along the line the "n" was dropped and we got "Thor's Day" out of that mess. A lot of other changes happened over the ages, but mostly we need to know that Thor is the god of Thunder, and his name from the Romans is Jupiter (Latin: Iuppiter, Iūpiter) (also called Jove). In Vedic Astrology, Hindu astrologers named the planet Jupiter after Brihaspati, the religious teacher of the gods, and often called it "Guru", which literally means the "Heavy One."*

Jupiter is a gas giant with a mass slightly less than one-thousandth of the Sun but is two and a half times the mass of all the other planets in our Solar System combined. Jupiter is primarily composed of hydrogen with a quarter of its mass being helium; it may also have a rocky core of heavier elements. Its shape is that of an oblate spheroid (it possesses a slight but noticeable bulge around the equator).*

Being that I am so full of Thursday-esque properties, it is extremely accurate to state that I am a massively heavy oblate spheroid, a thunderous gas giant if you will, with a rocky core. Watch out.

And now, here is a random picture of Katie Pants for No Reason At All (tm)!!

{Pants has the funny in her brain.}


* I ripped off all sorts of information from Wikipedia. In the words of the great Mike and Em: "Look it up."

Somebody buy me this book

I will say that I shamelessly ripped off this information from a co-worker (thanks, J-Bo!), but it was too beautifully fitting to pass up. I mean seriously. SER-I-OUS-LAAAAAY. I need this book. See fantastic CNN article here. Obviously I'm never going to actually read it to the children, but I figure that Kyle and I can take turns holding one another, rocking gently and reciting lines from this book, the hold-ee of course depending on who was in charge of bed time that night (ahem: me).