Facepalm, Headdesk, and other fun ways to admit defeat

Bedtime (Approx. 8pm - 9:30pm) (by which I mean the journey begins at 8pm, but you never really know how long it's going to take)

IRIS: "Pants, pants, pants! Iris pants have hearts. HEARTS! Yellow heart! Mommy, dis blue heart here. SHHHH baby! Baby babybayyyyybeeee babybabybabybabyba-beeeee! Iris sleep her bed, Mommy sleep HER bed! NOOOOOoooOoO! MOMMY! HELP PEEEEESE! Blanket. NO WANT BLANKET! Mommy. Iris need blanket. NO BLANKET MOMMY. Want blanket! No blanket! WHERE COVERS? No, pillow! Out, pillow! MOM! WHERE IRIS PILLOW?!?!??! I want my Daddeeeeeeeeeeeee."

See also: Headdesk, Facepalm

Then other nights she climbs in bed, closes her eyes, and pops off to sleep in seconds. You just never know what kind of day it's going to be. Yay. Since I'm breeding the next soul sucker at the moment, I'm pretty tired most days. I would really love it if I could go to sleep at 8pm like the elder demon child should be doing. I would also really love it if being overly tired didn't trigger barfy feelings. Totally would love it if threatening to barf on the child actually did anything. Not that I would of course, I just really like throwing out gutless threats under pressure.

I just find this whole nighttime sleep situation so odd. At naptime, that kid is out, no questions asked. She might need a little coaxing but there is never this full tilt war waged. Worst case scenario at naptime is extended back-patting till she drifts off. At night she won't even flip onto her stomach so that you can rub her back, all the while cursing and threatening plagues because you won't rub her back. Suggestions to turn over so that compliance might be had are met with resolute shrieks of disapproval. And then! She screams for so long that she loses her voice! Sort of. It just gets scratchy and kind of old-mannish.

Anyway, the point is that it's just a crazy situation that I do not know how to control. It's not even like we leave her in there alone, you know? I'm either right next to her crib, trying to figure out how to get her to CALM. THE. EFF. DOWN. or I'm just like 10 feet away in my own room, hoping that the constant chattering will eventually lead to sleep. Usually it leads to all of her bedding landing in a pile beside her bed and subsequent and immediate demands for its safe return. Repeat. Ultimately, she has to wear herself out with the stream of consciousness monologue, then the screaming section of the evening, culminating in me forcing her to lay her head on her pillow and sort of burrito wrapping her in the blanket (on her STOMACH. So I can pat her damn BACK.) at which point she usually passes out.

THEN, I go to my bed, all wound up and suddenly thinking about everything I've ever done wrong, everything everyone has ever done wrong to ME, and how much I am a total failure at everything, I am probably short and fat and less cute than and not as smart as I thought, etc. I stay so incredibly wound up that I end up sitting awake reading till like 10:30, only attempting sleep when Kyle finally turns off the light. Then I fidget and roll around and just generally prevent Kyle from being able to sleep, and my back hurts and my nose is stuffy and I still usually kind of want to barf.

I really don't hate myself, and I don't really think those things. But I swear that child could solve global peace issues if she'd just sleep, you know?